Benjamin Franklin once said, “In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.” Let me add one more to old Ben’s list: if you vacation at Walt Disney World, at some point during your vacation you will find yourself standing in a line—for certain.
Lines are ubiquitous at Walt Disney World. They begin as you queue up to exit your airplane and continue throughout your stay. You will wait in a makeshift queue at baggage claim; then again for the rental car or Disney’s Magical Express service; when you check into your resort; when you buy your park passes; when you board a bus, boat or monorail; when you check in at a restaurant or order from a counter service register; when you pay for your souvenirs; when you enter a theme park; and, finally, each time you enter an attraction. Did I miss any?
I’ve looked and can find no real rules or guidelines that govern one’s behavior while waiting in line at a theme park. It seems that Miss Manners has, understandably, steered clear of this issue. You would think the protocol would be obvious or intuitive, but if you’ve ever paid attention to your fellow guests you know that it isn’t.
I wrote an article called Park Peeves (which you can read here) that discussed some of the things we don’t like to see while at Disney World but, I thought a piece defining the “dos” and “don’ts” (mostly the “don’ts”) of queuing might be appropriate here. While I don’t really have a name describing the rules of line behavior, I’d like to borrow the term “Netiquette” and modify it slightly to “Quetiquette,” or… Queue Etiquette.
Now, we all know that a reader of this column would never be guilty of violating Quetiquette. No one here is committing the infractions I’m about to describe, but obviously, others do, and this article is intended for them. It’s our job to observe and educate those that violate the rules we hold sacred. While I wouldn’t advocate printing this column, taping it to a brick and applying it gently to their foreheads, it might be appropriate after witnessing an infraction to somehow call a violator’s attention to their misdeed. Pointing and booing might be effective.
So… without further ado, I present my version of Walt Disney World Quetiquette… or what I like to call “One Man’s Dream.”
Line Cutting
Line cutting is a bad thing—please don’t do it. It seems to be practiced in several different fashions. First, there are the obvious, pre-meditated, and intentional cases I’ve seen; like the two couples that went through the Single Rider line at Test Track, then ducked under the rope just outside the pre-show to join the regular riders. The only conclusion one can draw from this is that these folks consider themselves better than everyone and the rules we all live by simply don’t apply to them.
There are also the more subtle, yet equally effective folks I call the “Scuzemes.” You’re standing in a 30-minute queue at Soarin’ when, from behind, you hear someone repeating “Scuzeme” every three seconds as they wind their way through and around 4,000 people to (presumably) re-join their group that is somewhere way ahead of you. This, unfortunately and in my opinion, happens entirely too frequently. But it can be eliminated easily if we would all follow some simple rules:
- Rule #1 – Keep your party together. If you want to experience a ride together, enter the queue together. No exceptions.
- Rule #2 – To demonstrate that I’m not the miserable, cold-hearted person you now think I am, I will allow for the possibility of one person in your party needing to use the facilities. Therefore, one person coming through uttering “Scuzeme” will be tolerated—but barely. It’s still entirely appropriate to scowl at them as the pass.
- Rule #2A – I need a codicil on Rule #2 that will allow for a parent and small child. It’s understandable, at least to me, why Mom would have to exit the queue with four year old Becky to use the bathroom while Dad, Mark and Kyle stayed in line.
- Rule #3 – However, other than the exception noted in 2A, two or more “Scuzemes” will never be tolerated. It’s just too obvious that they were off riding something else while someone in their party waited in this line. If there are two or more they can still ride together, as can the folks waiting for them further up; just at different times. If they try the “Scuzeme” to get past you, feel free to tell them exactly that. You’ll probably have to endure the applause of those within earshot.
- Rule #4 – We all enter the line at the end, wherever that may be, wait the appropriate amount of time to reach the front of the line, then ride. No exceptions. If I entered the line where it ended, why should I allow other people, that waited less time than I did, to ride before I do? OK, so this one’s not really a rule but, it’s the premise upon which the entire protocol is based so I’m leaving it in.
Smoking
No smoking in line…ever. You may think that because the Disney parks restrict smoking to specific areas this is no longer an issue. Allow me to disagree. On a recent trip, we decided to get something to eat prior to entering the Hollywood Hills Amphitheater to view Fantasmic! I stood in line at a food cart for several minutes while the guy in line in front of me smoked a cigarette. And before I get the smokers angry with me, let me state that I was a smoker for many years and always felt that Disney World’s smoking policy is a good one and easy to comply with.
Counter Service
While standing in line at a counter service establishment, it’s advisable to use that time for something other than daydreaming. More specifically, it may be used to read those large placards over the food delivery counters. They contain a listing of the food available for your consumption—commonly referred to as a “menu.” Perusing the choices while in line will allow you, upon reaching the register, to order your meals in a timely fashion without causing excessive and needless delay to those behind you. It’s a little thing but it will be appreciated by many.
Theaters
When you enter a theater at Walt Disney World, more often than not you will be instructed by the cast members to choose a row and move all the way to the far end, making room for those folks coming in behind you. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Each time, without fail, several groups will stop mid-theater, at the 50-yardline so to speak, and take up residency there. This forces every man, woman and child behind them to climb over them to reach seats on the other side.
This is “entitlement mentality” at its worst. I am more important than anyone else and will sit where I please in the seats that I believe will deliver the best possible experience to me—because it is, after all, all about me. I’m very tempted to authorize the brick-in-the-forehead notification for these folks. The saddest part of this whole thing is… do they really believe the 50-yardline seats are that much better than those on the 30… or 25 or…?
Your Children
You love your children. I could love them as well, but I’d be one heck of a lot more fond of them if they wouldn’t try to hang on my camera bag or peek through my legs to see what’s up ahead. Actually, as I think more about this, I’m cutting the kids some slack. I can’t imagine what it must be like to stand for forty minutes in a crowded queue with your face at butt-height to those around you. Go ahead, kids, hang on my bag.
Your Feet
I cut your kids some slack, but you? Not so much. I can understand you making contact with the back of my foot once… maybe twice. But when you step on my heels repeatedly as we “move forward and fill in all the available space”, you’re traveling too close; tailgating, as it were. Let’s do us both a favor; you walk on your feet and I’ll walk on mine; not the other way around.
Fireworks and Parades
Respect others’ space. If someone else is there first, don’t push yourself, or your children, in front of them. Claiming someone else’s space a few inches at a time doesn’t make it legal. Don’t weave through the crowd to get to the front. Don’t place children on your shoulders then stroll in front of others. Be aware of those with a lower vantage point than your own (i.e. – those in strollers or wheelchairs or simply shorter than you). I think that about covers it.
Airport Baggage Claim
You wouldn’t think this would be so difficult, but it is. You disembark, head to baggage claim, and find the appropriate carousel. Somewhere in the dark recesses behind the wall and that small opening with the rubber straps hanging down there are a group of devoted employees that ever-so-carefully retrieve your bags from the cargo hold of the airplane. They transport it and gently place it upon the belt. Someone hits a button which unleashes the most obnoxious buzzer-sound known to man and then… the carousel jumps to life and luggage miraculously begins appearing through those rubber straps.
At this point, every human being within earshot of that buzzer (and that’s a 60-mile radius) surges forward and takes up space at the edge of the carousel effectively blocking the view of you, me, and one old guy from Toledo. By the time you catch sight of your bag, accidently viewed through the legs of the guy in front of you as he pivots for better leverage, the bags have re-entered the back stage area and it’s too late to retrieve them. Wouldn’t it be easier for all of us if everyone kind of hung around 10-12 feet from the carousel? Then, when you saw your bag come out, you could saunter up, retrieve it, and head out.
So, that’s my description of Quetiquette. Some rules and guidelines that, if followed by all, might make things a bit more tolerable on your next vacation when you’re standing in a line—which we know is a sure thing.
That’s my opinion. What’s yours?
