Once upon a time there was a single (servant girl, Native American/Arabian/mermaid princess, woman, gypsy) who met the love of her life (in the forest, at the ball, in the jungle, in the courtyard, at the wishing well, at the training camp, on the ocean, in the marketplace). Once they defeated the (queen, witch, jealous boyfriend, vizier, governor, Hun, God of the underworld, judge) they lived happily ever after.
I recently watched Cinderella for the first time in a long time. Her life was my fantasy: you walk into a ball wearing a gorgeous gown and the man you've always dreamed of tells you he loves you, kisses you and then searches for you when you run out on him. I must have grown cynical over time because all I could think was: “How could she love him? She doesn't even know him?”
Obviously during the course of the classic Disney “princess” (I'm using a very loose term here) animated movies there isn't much time for courtship—at least not that we the audience get to see. We don't see Jane pacing in front of her closet wondering what to wear on her next date with Tarzan. Snow White doesn't keep the dwarfs up all hours asking “Do you think he'll call?” We didn't see Ariel doodling in the sand: “Mrs. Ariel Eric-what's-his-name” But despite the lack of “dating advice,” there is still much to learn from these ladies about the dos and don'ts of “Love, Disney Style.”
As many play the home-version of The Dating Game—I thought about what these ladies and their fairy tale situations could teach all of us players about finding the perfect match in the 21st century.
Lesson No. 1
Having a sidekick is important, be it animal, vegetable or ornamental. Each of these ladies had a great support system. Cinderella had her mice; Belle had Mrs. Potts, Chip, Lumiere, Cogsworth and the Wardrobe; and Ariel had Scuttle, Flounder and Sebastian. While some of their friends didn't exactly speak the same language (as in the case of Jasmine and Snow White), all were there to lend an ear (or a branch, or a fin or brew a spot of tea). Talk to your friends before you launch into anything—they'll either encourage you or talk you out of it.
Lesson No. 2
Don't be skeptical if you run into some magic moments. Most of us have wished for a fairy godmother to appear and help all our dreams come true. Cinderella didn't question it when a pumpkin became a coach; Jasmine didn't find it too odd that a carpet could fly. Since most of us don't run into magic on daily basis, we might be likely to dismiss it or question it when we see it. Those who have found the love of their life say that when they found the right person, it felt like magic.
Lesson No. 3
If he's from a different background it might be difficult, but not impossible. Aladdin: street rat/princess; Beauty and the Beast former spoiled prince turned animal/inventor's book-smart daughter; Tarzan: king of the apes/proper daughter of a British scientist; Cinderella: servant girl/handsome prince; The Little Mermaid daughter of the sea/fish-eating prince. He's a morning person, you don't rise before noon. You love ice cream, he's lactose intolerant. These ladies knew they couldn't change the men in their lives, they wouldn't be true to themselves. Compromise on the other hand is important: Ariel gave up her fins, but I bet Eric didn't eat fish quite as much after they married.
Lesson No. 4
As the Genie told Aladdin: “Be Yourself.” Going in tandem with the previous lesson, if you try to be something you aren't—it isn't going to work. Ariel pretended she wasn't a mermaid, and almost lost her chance at love (in the original Hans Christian Anderson version her deception doesn't get her the guy). Mulan pretended to be a man and almost lost her chance at love because Shan Yu felt betrayed. Meg pretended to be a damsel in distress and almost lost her chance at love because she couldn't tell Hercules the truth that she was working for Hades to gain her freedom. Noticing a pattern? If you want someone to love you, they have to love you for you, not an image of you that you want them to see.
Lesson No. 5
Your dad will always have a problem with the guy you date—you're his little girl. King Triton, Maurice, the Sultan, Chief Powhatan, Fa Zhou, Professor Porter—none were too keen on the men in their daughter's lives. But, as another Disney father, Father of the Bride's George Banks says: “You worry about her meeting the wrong kind of guy, the kind of guy who only wants one thing?. Then, you stop worrying about her meeting the wrong guy, and you worry about her meeting the right guy. That's the greatest fear of all, because, then you lose her.” Eventually all the dads warmed up to the guys, but even if it takes a while, cut your dad some slack and if your guy is the right guy it won't be hard for him to show your dad how much he cares.
Lesson No. 6
There will be villains, just don't let them break you apart. The Evil Queen, Lady Tremaine, Maleficent, Ursula, Gaston, Jafar, Judge Frollo, Clayton, Hades. There are some really bad guys and gals out there who will stop at nothing to make your life miseberable and while they might not come in a form as easy to spot as a sea witch, ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, evil relatives and even “well-meaning” friends can be just as dangerous. While they might lack the capacity to cast a “spell,” the important thing is not to let them cast doubt on your relationship. If you have concerns, go to the source ? don't let a curse split you apart.
Lesson No. 7
The reverse of lesson No. 7… If you have a gut feeling that the guy isn't going to work, you are probably right. Belle knew Gaston wasn't right for her—even though he was considered the catch of the town. Jasmine was totally creeped out by Jafar—and with good reason. Esmerelda said she would rather die than have to give herself to Judge Frollo. Pocahontas knew marrying Kokoum would have been the safe thing to do, but she didn't love him. No matter how nice it may feel to be part of a couple, if you aren't feeling it, it is better to end it than staying miserable—another prince will come along.
Lesson No. 8
Don't forget the importance of the right song. “Percussion. Strings. Winds. Words… “Float along. Listen to the song. The song say kiss the girl.” They say songs come in when words can't fully express your emotions. Some of the most incredible songs from the Disney collection come from these films. Think “One Song” from Snow WhiteCinderellaSleeping BeautyThe Little MermaidBeauty and the BeastAladdinPocahontas. If the person you are with makes you so happy that you just have to sing, do it. It doesn't have to be grand, and you can even sing along to a song on the radio (or let them sing to you).
Lesson No. 9
Don't confuse being sweet, chivalrous or considerate with being macho. The Beast knew how much Belle loved books and he gave her the library. Aladdin knew Jasmine dreamed of being free and he took her around the world. Tarzan knew that Jane loved to sketch so he arranged for her to see one of the most beautiful parts of the jungle. If a guy does something nice for you, it doesn't necessarily mean he is trying to prove something or that he expects something in return—at least for the right guy it won't mean that.
Lesson No. 10
If a guy is willing to slay a dragon, give up immortality or leave the jungle for you, he's a keeper. Prince Phillip fought his way through thorns and killed Malificent to rescue Sleeping beauty—a girl he met once. Hercules went into the underworld to save Meg's life. Tarzan put on a suit and boarded a boat to stay with Jane. While most guys today aren't likely to make such grand overtures, if he puts your needs or wants in front of his own, it's almost as good.
Maybe “Happily Ever After” in the 21st century is a bit much to ask for, but that doesn't mean it can't happen. After all, if we didn't believe fairy tales could come true, life wouldn't be nearly as much fun.
