Nostalgia and familiarity can really go a long way. When you find that old well-worn recliner that got stuck out in the garage and forgotten, you sit down and it is so comfortable and relaxing, and perfectly formed for you that you can’t remember why you ever stopped sitting in it. For a moment, at least, you no longer notice how dirty they are, how worn out it is.
News of a fourth Indiana Jones movie put me in a similar state. “Dude, ” I said to myself, for only in my head am I ever allowed to utter the word “dude”, “Harrison Ford is 65 years old, that’s six years older than Sean Connery was in The Last Crusade when he played Indy’s dad and was relegated to the sidecar.” In other words, did I really want to watch Indiana Jones flying through the air on the end of his whip and be worried he’d break a hip? No, I did not. At the same time, though, just the thought of getting some more Indiana Jones made me giddy in my undemonstrative way.
© Lucasfilms, Ltd.
Even worse is my by-now well-established belief that George Lucas should never again be allowed into the same city where movies are being made.
So, which side was right? The coldly calculating adult or the part of me that houses the young boy who thought that Indy getting dragged under the truck was about the most exciting thing ever imagined by man?
Sadly, the answer is the coldly calculating adult. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull just isn’t a very good story. But if you release yourself to the childhood nostalgia, then that will be enough to make it a thoroughly fun movie that you never need to watch again. The story behind the titular crystal skulls doesn’t really make any sense and CGI and obvious stunt doubles are used to a painful degree. Harrison Ford, though, shakes off the last decade of boring screen roles and finds that charisma that made national icons of Indiana Jones and Han Solo. For one viewing, that is worth the price of admission and I think I can confidently say that I’ll never sit through the movie again (just like with Temple of Doom).
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull bows to temporal reality and acknowledges that Nazis can no longer serve as Indy’s foe. So we’re moved forward to 1957—which is just about as far forward as it would be possible to age Indiana Jones without completely severing him from the tone of the 1930s. I don’t know about you, but it is darn near impossible to imagine an Indiana Jones and the Beatniks or Indiana Jones Among the Counterculture. Of course, the only appropriate villains for a 1950s American Adventurer are those no-good, rotten evil pinko commies.
The movie starts with Indiana Jones and his new pal Mac (Ray Winstone) having been kidnapped by a group of Russians and transported to Area 51, where they are forced to help locate and steal an alien body recovered at Roswell, New Mexico back in 1947. The ensuing set piece in which Indy is betrayed by Mac, meets the Russian dominatrix, Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett) behind the kidnapping, and then escapes unarmed almost perfectly captures the cartoonish adventure of the earlier movies—and then subsequently ruins it with a final escape so cartoonishly stupid and CGI-enhanced that it makes Indy’s hundreds-mile-long journey strapped to the periscope of a submerged submarine in Raiders seem like a virtual paragon of reasonableness.
If that were the only gross use of CGI and cartoonish durability, it would be enjoyed and forgotten. Unfortunately it is not.
Then we’re back to the University of Chicago where we once again get to wonder how one goes about combining an active courseload with globetrotting adventures. Soon we are introduced to young Mutt Williams—until I just now looked it up I thought his name was Mud, whoops—who intrudes on Indiana Jones’ train trip with a story that his mom has been kidnapped in Peru and has instructed Mutt to find Indy for help. The movie tries to quickly establish Mutt’s toughness by having him ride into town in a get-up quite intentionally recalling Marlon Brando in The Wild One. It simply doesn’t work. As generally enjoyable at Shia LaBeouf is, any comparison to Brando is giggleworthy. And off they go on their adventures, which when the movie is over should not be too long considered because they make no sense at all.
© Lucasfilms, Ltd.
Of course it turns out that the mom, Mary Williams, is actually Marion Ravenwood, and the movie does provide an opportunity to rectify what once went wrong: namely the decision that Marion would not be an enduring figure in the movies. The scene where Indiana Jones first sees Marion again may, quite honestly, be the single best piece of acting Harrison Ford has ever done, and certainly the best in more than a decade.
Can you tell I’m struggling here? It is hard to like and hate a movie at the same time. A long sequence through the jungles of Peru has an amazing amount of energy and several moments of great fun. But on the other hand, much of it looks exactly like what it is: a product of computers housed at ILM’s Skywalker Ranch campus. I love the moments when the characters are allowed to seem human, but that is destroyed when they survive hundred-foot falls and barely get out of breath. I love the idea of Indiana Jones going toe-to-toe with the owners of the crystal skull but hate that they are barely explained and provide a climax of boggling weakness. I love Cate Blanchett’s new character of Irina Spalko but wonder why they even bothered spending money on Ray Winstone as they so misuse his character.
The parts I loved, I loved just enough to get me through the movie. I had fun watching it, I was never bored, and I think it can fairly be said that will be true of just about everybody. But after two hours the house lights come up and you start talking about the movie with the person you’re with and it just wasn’t possible to be enthusiastic. And then the doubts bubble to the surface. A caveat here, a “Well, now that I think about it, that was kind of stupid” there. Before long, you find yourself (and by “yourself” I mean “I found myself”) saying, “We better shut up or I’m going to talk myself into hating this movie.”
Go, have fun. It isn’t just a movie. After 19 years since the last movie and 26 since the first, it is a cultural experience independent of its quality as a standalone movie. Participate in George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, and Harrison Ford saying good-bye to one of their beloved characters. I just really hope that this time, it really is good-bye. There really is no need for LaBeouf to step in as Mutty Williams for the even more absurdly titled Indiana Jones 5: Mutty Williams and the Adventure of the Watergate Break-In. Richard Nixon and Alexey Kosygin just aren’t the compelling villains that Hitler was.
© Lucasfilms, Ltd.
The Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a Paramount Pictures release
- Wide release on Thursday, May 22
- Directed by Steven Spielberg
- Screenplay by David Koepp
- Starring: Harrison Ford, Shia LaBeouf, Cate Blanchett, Karen Allen, Ray Winstone, John Hurt, Jim Broadbent
- Rated PG-13 for adventure violence and scary images.
- Alex’s Rating: 7 out of 10
