There is a strong inclination to save myself some time and just point you to my 2004 review for the first National Treasure movie, and say “Ditto, but more so.” But I don’t get paid the big bucks to take the easy way out, so here I sit trying to think my way through a review of a movie that I would just prefer to forget.
I didn’t like the first one. It would seem that most of America disagreed with me and it made $174 million, thrilling Disney into visions of a new mega franchise.
About the only nice thing I had to say about the first movie is that the vast conspiracy involved actually hung together pretty well, if you were able to swallow the need for a vast conspiracy in the first place. Unfortunately, National Treasure: Book of Secrets doesn’t even have that going for it. This time there are two conspiracies—one historic and one modern—neither of which make much sense.
The historic one is the mythical City of Gold that earlier visitors to the New World were certain existed somewhere. One early conquistador was taken there and actually saw it but could never find it again. Despite all the people who risked their lives looking for it, somehow the 19th Century rolls around and Queen Victoria of England comes to be in possession not only of the location, but the stupidly complex riddles necessary to get to that location. She is willing to pass huge wealth, and instead offers it to the Confederate States of America so that they can win the war and guarantee England’s supply of slavery-cheapened cotton.
Ben Gates’s (Nicolas Cage) great-great-great grandfather (Thomas Gates) managed to interrupt that attempt and became a family hero for having saved the union. The modern conspiracy has the great-great-great-grandson of one of the Confederate rapscallions offering evidence that Thomas Gates was not a hero but rather the ringleader of the conspiracy to assassinate President Lincoln.
So, the only thing to do is redeem the family honor and go out and find the City of Gold. And in the course of doing so, expose the woefully non-existent security at Buckingham Palace as well as the White House, take advantage of the fact that there are apparently no police in London or the United States, and finding hidden texts located in plain sight on prominent art objects. All culminating in the de rigueur fiendishly complex booby trapped hidden treasure (think something much closer to The Goonies than Indiana Jones).
But I fear I may be doing a disservice to the movie by making it sound much more coherent and cohesive than it actually is. I have no doubt I’ll havepeople write me to say, “It is just a stupid movie, lighten up! Just go with the flow!” When the movie is worth it I can certainly do that, but Book of Secrets so assaults the audience with stupidity and improbability that I have no desire to meet it halfway. In fact, I have no desire to meet it any fraction of the way. It is going to have to come to my house, clean up a bit, and make dinner first if it ever wants to experience my company again.
The primary cast of the first movie except for villain Sean Bean all return this time and put in the same performances. Harvey Keitel must really be laughing all the way to the bank as he doesn’t actually have to do anything and can be said to bear no responsibility for the lameness of the movie. Helen Mirren regrettably has signed on for a good paycheck as Ben Gates’ mom. Jon Voight is daddy Gates again. Justin Bartha is again the wisecracking computer-genius sidekick. Diane Kruger returns as Abigail, the love interest for Ben. It is amazingly lazy that Ben and Abigail essentially go through the exact same relationship arc as the first movie, since that movie ended with them married.
Ed Harris is the new villain who is willing to run down pedestrians and shoot guns on crowded city streets in pursuit of his scurrilous ends but completely undercuts himself at the resolution of the movie. I think we’re supposed to be touched by his ultimate fate but I ended up being split between viewing him as psychotic or just really stupid.
So, just in case I’m being too subtle: I didn’t like it. But I suspect nobody is going to listen to me any more this time around than last time. It will make a bucket of money, and in three years I suspect I’ll back in ths space saying “I’m impressed, they’ve made it even worse!”
In the end, I guess the way I would best sum up the experience of watching this movie is that it is like watching someone else play a Tomb Raider-like computer game. The story is only minimal importance while the actual player works through a series of puzzles that are clever but have no relation to real world considerations, and success moves you to new locations and scenes only thinly connected to where you were previously.
If that sounds like fun, then this may be the movie for you. As a piece of family movie entertainment, there really isn’t anything too objectionable except for some unnecessary gunplay in the streets of London and one long-dead body. No cursing, sex beyond one long kiss, or drugs. But if good clean Disney family fun is what you’re looking for I’d encourage you to check out Enchanted or find one of the theaters still showing Dan in Real Life.
- National Treasure: Book of Secrets is a Walt Disney Pictures release
- Wide release on Friday, December 21
- Directed by John Turteltaub
- Screenplay by Cormac Wibberley and Marianne Wibberley
- Starring Nicholas Cage, Diane Kruger, Justin Bartha, Jon Voight, Helen Mirren, Ed Harris
- Rated PG for some violence and action.
- Running time: About 115 minutes
- Alex Rating: 3 out of 10
