If you’ve been reading this column, you’re probably aware that I’m a lover of lists. Maybe you’re painfully aware of that. I like ‘em all: All-Time, Top 3, Top 10, Best of… you name it. I’ve already produced several articles offering my thoughts on the top attractions, best resorts, restaurants, films, etc. This time, the approach will be a bit different. What are the worst attractions at Walt Disney World?
OK, maybe “worst” is the wrong word to use. “Least favorite” might be more appropriate but I think what I’m really going for here are the attractions that I think need to be updated, changed or, for the worst offenders, done away with entirely. There’s really very little I don’t like at Walt Disney World so… wait, let me rephrase that. There are really very few attractions at Disney World that I don’t care for so this task may be a bit difficult but I’ll give it my best shot and let the pieces fall where they may. At the risk of infuriating many of you, here are my Bottom Three attractions, listed park by park:
Magic Kingdom
3 – Swiss Family Treehouse
There’s really nothing wrong with this attraction. It just elicits a “Ho, hum” from me whenever we walk past—and I haven’t actually climbed those stairs in years. Has anything in there changed?
For some folks as old as I am there may be some attraction to the attraction… er, treehouse, based on having seen the film as a child. Beyond that, it’s probably worth a visit once… but, just once.
2 – AstroOrbiter
I know this attraction has its fans but, you stand in line for 45-minutes, ride an elevator to the top, stand in a shorter line then spend three minutes on the Dumbo ride. Except it’s rocket ships instead of elephants. Really?
1 – Stitch’s Great Escape
I thought the original concept for this building, the Mission to Mars, was lame as lame could be. I always felt it showed promise but the execution just left so much to be desired. Did it ever, even remotely, feel like a ride through space?
Its next incarnation was ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter and… I liked it. I know it wasn’t for everyone and I was witness to more then a few six year olds that were probably scarred for life after being taken in there by unsuspecting or clueless parents but it was an entertaining and well-done show. The special effects were very realistic and it was easy to believe that was real alien breath on your neck.
Apparently, management thought it was a bit too frightening or a few too many diapers needed changing after a viewing. At any rate, someone decided it needed some toning down so the Imagineers were given a budget of $125.50 and told to make it kid-friendly and the result is Stitch’s Great Escape. It still has the same basic storyline of Alien Encounter but instead of having a creature eating people and breathing heavily on your neck you get a chili-dog belch. For my money, they should have left it alone and made it PG-13. This makes #1 because it could have been so much more—and almost was.
Epcot
Epcot is my absolute favorite park so this will be difficult but…
3 – The Imagination Trio
The Journey Into Imagination Pavilion was an original part of Epcot. Journey Into Imagination (the attraction) was a wonderful ride that featured two very popular characters in Dreamfinder and Figment. For some strange reason it was redesigned into an abomination that was called Journey Into Your Imagination. That ride spawned guest reaction so negative that it was almost immediately redesigned a second time into its current incarnation, Journey Into Imagination… With Figment (but still no Dreamfinder). The current version is OK but, in my opinion, can’t hold a candle to the original. It always leaves me with the distinct impression it was slapped together on a too-tight budget as in you get the sound experience and the smell experience but sight is just ignored.
The second part of the trio is the What If Labs, a set of interactive exhibits you can have some fun with after the ride. Again, I have no particular problem here except it’s a giant step down from the much more elaborate Image Works that once occupied the second floor of the exhibit.
Rounding out the pavilion is the Honey, I Shrunk the Audience 3D film. I’ve always liked this film and remember how impressed I was with the technology that made it feel as if the theater had really been shrunk down and was being carried around by toddler Adam Zalinksi. It’s a great concept and wonderful execution but it’s getting just a bit long in the tooth and needs a little updating. Does anyone even remember the Honey, I Shrunk the Kids movie anymore?
I’ll toss in another bonus downgrade here when they switched the pre-show from the beautiful photographs and music of True Colors to the current “boy loses dog” and “frog at the wedding” vignettes. I now wish I had video of the entire True Colors show rather than just the short clips I’ve accumulated over the years.
I guess the Imagination Pavilion has made my list, not because it’s that bad, but because it used to be so much more. It’s an example of a great set of attractions that have all gone downhill—in some cases, for no apparent reason.
2 – Innoventions
I’m not condemning the whole thing. There are actually a few fun things to do in there but, overall, it seems like it’s sorely lacking in what the name implies. Where are the innovations? Where are the newly developed or promising uses of technology? Is Velcro that new? It’s more than a little sad when I determine that my family room competes favorably with the Ultimate Home Theater.
1 – The Wonders of Life
It’s not just an attraction but an entire building that’s gone to waste. Do you remember Body Wars? How about Cranium Command? The Making of Me? I think the theming of this building, consistent with its name, could have withstood the test of time and offered potential for new attractions well into the future. Instead, it’s 100,000 square feet being used as the festival center for the annual Food and Wine Festival.
Disney’s Hollywood Studios
3 – The Magic of Disney Animation
I’ll admit that drawing a Disney character along with a real artist can be fun. However, I can still remember the Robin Williams / Walter Cronkite short film and the walking tour through a large, active work area where artists were working on real animated features that you could look forward to seeing in a theater in the near future.
2 – Sounds Dangerous
I know Drew Carey was popular once but now he’s a game show host. In this attraction, you (mostly) sit in complete darkness while high-quality, binaural audio is piped into your headphones and makes it seem as if you are actually getting a haircut. You can’t make this stuff up.
1 – The Backlot Tour
This once was a lengthy behind-the-scenes journey into the movie making process. Does anyone remember the short Bette Midler film called The Ticket? How about the blue screen demonstration where a couple of children from the audience would be chosen to ride the bee (similar to a scene from the previously mentioned Honey, I Shrunk the Kids movie)? Do you recall when the tram ride took you through a costuming area, a movie vehicle bone yard and then Catastrophe Canyon? Or how about walking through an elevated area looking down at several real, working film sets where real television shows were being made? Me, too.
Animal Kingdom
Animal Kingdom is still too new to have any items for this list. Or is it? I was hard-pressed to come up with three and even finding two was a bit of a chore.
3 – Rafiki’s Planet Watch
Let’s start with the Wildlife Express train ride to get there – couldn’t they have given you something to look at on the way? Once there, I can’t quite shake the feeling it’s a poor man’s petting zoo and little else. The Sounds of the Rainforest is interesting but did I need to ride a train to hear it? The Veterinary clinic can be very cool but it’s hit or miss if you’ll actually see anything happening there—although I will admit it was very cool watching them give routine physicals, including monitoring blood pressure and drawing blood, to African Fruit Bats. I just can’t get over the feeling that the entertainment or educational value doesn’t merit the lengthy waits and round trip train rides.
2 and 1 – Chester & Hester’s Dino-Rama (I’m assigning it both spots because it’s that big)
I get it. I know the back-story. I understand the kitsch. I even admit to somewhat liking the wild mouse ride, Primeval Whirl. I just don’t think it belongs in a Disney theme park and, if it does, it certainly doesn’t belong in one as rife with exotic flora and fauna as Disney’s Animal Kingdom. In a park that offers the Kilimanjaro Safari, Pangani Forest Exploration Trail and the Maharajah Jungle Trek, do we really need a variation on the Whack-a-Mole game?
So there they are… my bottom three attractions in each park. Considering my affection for all-things-Disney, an equivalent list might include the worst slice of chocolate cake I’ve had this month or the worst steak I’ve been served at the Yachtsman Steak House. Nevertheless, I do think that a few of these attractions could benefit from a bit of being “re-imagined”. The painful part is a that a few of them, most notably Journey Into Imagination and Wonders of Life, were so much more before someone made a conscious, but unthinking, decision to downgrade them. What were they thinking?
There are a few attractions here, and a few others I didn’t mention (and The Great Movie Ride and Star Tours comes to mind), that are excellent attractions that have been very well implemented but suffer from staleness. I wonder if the lengthy queues would return to Star Tours if the film were replaced with the rumored new, 3D version? Would guests line up again for a Backlot Tour that actually gave you a look into real soundstages where real filming was occurring? How many more of us would take advantage of the Animation tour if we could once again watch the artists at work on a soon to be released Walt Disney Productions animated film? I’d love to find out.
That’s my opinion. What’s yours?
