Recently a conversation on MousePad stirred a debate among Disney fans. One reader wondered how do parents handle the big questions about the Disney characters in parks. And so I turned to the Parenting Panel and asked them: What do/did you tell your children about Mickey Mouse and other characters? Are they the real deal? Are they just people in costumes? Or do you invoke “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”? How do you handle “the truth”?
Chris and his family stumbled upon the Disney magic in 2002, and have made a number of trips since then. Since then, he makes it a point to seek out the ultimate in Disney trips and share his experiences with friends, family, and complete strangers. Chris posts on MousePad as GusMan. Chris writes:
When it comes to characters and who they are in reality, we let our kids take a natural course of realization. However, I would not say that it was not without parental intervention, as sometimes the lines get blurred between “reality” and “fantasy” when you are at the parks. After all, when you go through that tunnel to Main Street USA, you leave the world behind you and everyone is a kid again.
Our daughter was older when we started to vacation at Disney. She loved standing in line to see the different characters, get an autograph, and a quick picture. To her, it was a dream come true to meet the princesses and many of her favorite characters. After all, she grew up watching Cinderella over and over, and having breakfast at the castle was over the top!
We think that because she was older when introduced to Disney, she already grew out of the stage where a child has to determine what is real and what is not. She never really had a big interest in icons such as Santa or the Easter Bunny, and it was totally on her own accord. She knew that Disney was a place to be entertained and while there, she could treat the characters as though they were real, interact with them, and walk away with a smile and great memories.
Of course when the kids get older, meeting characters becomes more of a photo op, and my kids tend to get a little more picky about who they meet. I think this is where we realized as parents that there is a general understanding that they are characters and not real people. When my daughter started to concentrate on the attractions, rather than meeting up with everyone, I think the transformation was complete. It happened naturally with no significant parental intervention. In a way, it was a relief because I did not want to be the one to ruin the magic for her by telling her otherwise.
The situation is slightly different with my son, mainly since he was born into a family of Disney fanatics and took his first Disney vacation with us at 5 months of age. (Sometimes I think he said “mouse” before he said “daddy.”) Up until only recently, the characters were 100 percent real to him. And while we do not want to spoil any of the magic for him, we took the approach of explaining different forms of entertainment. Through some gentle conversations, we explained to him that things that happen in animation or movies do not happen in real life. He was fine with that and we think it is probably the first step in helping him go down the same path to realization as his big sister. He is still at the age where it is generally acceptable to have an active imagination filled with make-believe and he has never let it get in the way with school or other activities. Something in the back of my mind tells me that if Disney became more real to him than real life, we would have to take a more active approach in teaching him the differences.
I am thankful that we had it easy when it comes down to our kids and the characters they love. In a conversation I had with my son a couple days ago, to him, everything in Disney is still very real. And while I know that he can separate his “vacation life” with what he experiences on a daily basis, I think his train of thought is something that personifies what Walt wanted—a place where, even if it is a short time, real life does not exist and we are all 6-years-old again.
MousePlanet columnist Chris Barry and wife Diane, “the marathon-running graphic designer who loves to garden and is a big Tinker Bell fan,” are raising 10-year-old Samantha, who “shares her father’s love of Disney and her mother’s love of art,” and twin 7-year-old boys, Casey and Alex, who “consider Mickey Mouse’s house their favorite place.” Chris writes:
Regarding characters in the parks, my wife and I have never said a word to any of our three kids about whether they were real or not. We let the kids imaginations take then wherever they wanted to. There’s no doubt in our minds that on our kids early visits to Walt Disney World, those characters were the real deal. No question. Mickey and Minnie lived in Toontown and Cinderella lived in that castle. Let them feel that way, why not? I’d rather think that too. It keeps the magic going.
I can remember skiing in Vermont once and the mountain had a mascot character, Cheddar the Mouse. Cheddar visited the kids in ski school, and hung out with them on the slopes. I remember asking my 6-year-old daughter at the end of the day, “Where do you think Cheddar sleeps at night?” She smiled and said, “I don’t know. Maybe in the ski lodge?” Her friend, also 6, turned to her and in a very sarcastic voice said, “You know it’s just a guy in a suit don’t you?” To which she replied, “Of course, but it’s fun to play along.” That’s the difference between a child that grows up too fast, and a child that holds onto their childhood innocence, even if it’s just to play along.
My kids have never asked if that’s the real Mickey Mouse or not, and we’ve never offered any proof or disproof. My boys are 7, and my daughter is 11. They still don’t ask. They know the truth as well as I do, but why give in? They know they’re not really flying in a pirate ship but for those two and a half minutes on Peter Pan’s Flight, they’ll think they are and so do I. That’s the whole point isn’t it? My advice is to keep that going as long as you can. When in Fantasyland, do as the Fantasylanders do I always say.
Parenting in the Parks columnist Adrienne Krock’s three boys are now 11, 9, and 6. They’ve been visiting Disneyland since they were each just weeks old. She has been a day camp counselor and elementary school teacher. Now she’s a mom and a Cub Scout leader and has been a Disneyland Annual Passholder for 14 years. Adrienne adds:
Mickey Mouse is real. So are all of his friends.
We never specified one way or the other with our children; we merely “acted as if.” In turn, our children never did ask too many questions, either. This seemed like the most reasonable solution to us. I have heard arguments from parents who tell their children that they’re “just people in costumes” and I really see no need to spoil the fun before they know better. If they were hesitant about approaching the characters, we approached slowly. When children are fearful, rationalizing rarely works because they think differently than adults. Telling them that they were just people in costumes seemed like a long-shot we did not need to take.
Poking around elsewhere on the internet, there is no research that shows one way or the other that telling children that Santa is real, damages them. I read it on the Internet, so it must be true! Here’s the WebMD article at archived at MedicineNet.com (link). But another thing struck me from this article. Dr. Douglas Kramer points out that young children do not distinguish clearly between real and imaginary. Children between the ages of 1 and 4 can not think abstractly. Kramer says, “It seems real to them, so it’s got to be real.” They may not be ready to comprehend the concept that the characters might not be real.
Recently, my 6-year-old started to announce to us regularly that the characters “actually have people inside.” There was no discussion, he asked no questions. He made announcements to let us know he had it all figured out. Either he figured this out on his own or a classmate told him. Of our three sons, he has always been the one most interested in characters and the one who never experienced a phase where he was too scared to approach them. The good news for me, as a photo-opportunity-loving mom, is that despite knowing the “truth” he still loves taking pictures with the characters.
MousePad member and Community Leader, Malcon10t recently shared her experience and advice and I thought it was really spot on:
I don’t go on telling them characters are real, but I also don’t do the “No need to be scared, its just a girl in a mouse suit”. I generally take my lead from them. I also don’t mind playing dumb. I am sure [my daughter] thought I was dumb many times growing up. “Mom believes Mickey/Pluto/Santa/Easter Bunny is real, so lets play along…”
I generally take my cues from the kids. If they are nervous, and want to hang back, they are welcome to. If they want to meet the characters, that is good, too. If they ask “Is there a person in there?” I would probably go with “What do you think?”
It’s your turn—keep the discussion flowing!
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